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88 Ways to Know Whether You Are Chinese
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Comment Key:
(Wong)
[Hom]
1. You look like you are 18. (not really)
2. You like to eat chicken feet. (yeah!!!) [eh, not so much]
3. You suck on fish heads and fish fins. (ewww, no) [my grandma eats fish eyes]
4. You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror. (used to) [Branham Parking Permit]
5. You sing Karaoke. (only around family) [negative]
6. Your house is covered with tile. (nope) [kitchen]
7. Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease. (not really, but my cousin's house is) [spotless]
8. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil. (same as above)
9. You leave the plastic covers on your remote control. (yup :( ) [what?]
10. You've never kissed your mom or dad. (sadly...) [check]
11. You've never hugged your mom or dad. (only my mom) [same]
12. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500. (no...) [20/15 baby!]
13. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses". (???) [N/A]
14. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade. (i don't wear glasses) [neither do i]
15. Your hair sticks up when you wake up. (of course!) [depends if i've slept ;) ]
16. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable. (only in china)
17. You love to use coupons. (cheapness is the key to good living) [i don't spend my $]
18. You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol. (don't need to) [Civic: 32/38 mpg]
19. You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space. (my mom does)
20. You take showers at night. (mornings) [morning and night]
21. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms. (yeah, they really get you with the paying ones) [$5 for peanuts! wtf is that?]
22. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room. (hell no!) [well, depends on the ppl...]
23. Most girls have more body hair than you, if you are male. (yeah, except my legs... and for aimee and amynta, think back to the friday performance of midsummer) [nope :( blame it on the white side]
24. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you. (yes) [must be a full azn thing]
25. You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently. (yes again, but only around family) [nope]
26. You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable. (no, that's plain stoopid) [buckle up for safety!]
27. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack. (if i could gamble...) [SHOWGIRLS!!!]
28. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can reuse the paper. (my mom used to do that) [i do that currently]
29. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off. (our stockpile is in the closet) [hell, we reuse them]
30. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table. (yeah...) [kitchen table is naked at the moment]
31. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. (That's why you need the vinyl tablecloth). (i don't spit them on there...) [i usually aim for the plate]
32. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time. (i don't even wanna look in there)
33. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack. (who doesn't?) [grandma does]
34. You have never used your dishwasher. (and it cost us 2000 also!) [nope sorry, whitewashed=dishwashed]
35. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times. (my grandma does, "just in case," what's funny is that she puts it in a 2 liter bottle, so it loses heat quickly, and then it's just a jug of lukewarm water.) [grandma keeps hot water on stove]
36. You eat all meals in the kitchen. (yeah)
37. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. (not tin foil or tin containers, but guilty on the bags. they used to make great lunch boxes) [stockpile of grocery bags in kitchen]
38. You have a piano in your living room (hehe) [keyboard]
39. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth). (ewww, i use toothpick, thank you) [floss]
40. You twirl your pen around your fingers. (kris can, i lack asian ability there) [hell yes, and the girl in DOA Beach Volleyball does it too! (not that i own it or anything)]
41. You hate to waste food. [check; grandma makes soup with burnt rice stuck to bottom of rice cooker]
42. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing. (only occasionally) [leftover rice]
43. You don't own any real Tupperware - only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars. (ummm, what?) [seriously, let's be civilized here]
44. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses. (what is a jam jar?) [when i was little]
45. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel. (sheraton manhattan...) [hey, they're free]
46. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These snacks are always dried and include dried plums, mango, ginger, and squid. (mangos, i have, not in my car tho, only water there) [and pop-tarts]
47. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it. (if you don't, it's dirty, and honestly, who wants to eat dirty rice?) [must wash]
48. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself. (no...he's a doctor) [no...he's a dentist]
49. The dashboard of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys. (got me on the honda, but no toys there...toys, hehe) [eew, matt i hope that's not what you're thinking]
50. You don't use measuring cups. (not for rice) [yah, the cooker has built in measuring system]
51. You beat eggs with chopsticks. (wha?) [french whisk or fork]
52. You have a teacup with a cover on it. (i have a teacup SET with covers, hah, beat that hoe!) [whoa, take it easy now]
53. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling information costs 50 cents. (if i had numbers to look up... :( ) [sure, i guess]
54. You only make long distance calls after 11pm. (on a cell phone, its FREE!!!!) [Voice over IP, hehe]
55. If you are male, you clap at something funny and if you are female, you giggle whilst placing a hand over your mouth. (i don't really know, do i?) [not big on clapping]
56. You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions. (of course) [gotta be purebread to appreciate those]
57. You love Chinese Martial Arts films. (right again!) [there we go]
58. You've learnt some form of martial arts. (no, i'm too lazy for that discipline crap) [just for a year]
59. Shaolin actually means something to you. (the monks?) [temple? martial arts?]
60. You like congee with thousand-year-old eggs. (not with the black eggs, but congee is good) [don't like back egg, what's congee?]
61. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached. (fried also) [eew]
62. You never call your parents just to say hi. (why would i?) [who does?]
63. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight. (my grandma [the one that doesn't live with me] does that to me sometimes, but she calls to see if my dad is here, at random hours of the night)
64. When you're sick, your parents tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods due to yeet hay. (yes...) [yeet hay? damn i'm white]
65. You know what yeet hay is. (not in that dialect) (in my dialect, i think it translates to "heat energy") [in kilojoules i hope]
66. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only 10 feet apart. (work? i no work) [more like instant message, but yah]
67. You use a face cloth. (yup) [used to]
68. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat places. (ummmm, starve? owww) [Todai]
69. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics. (my aunt, and uncle!!)
70. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again. (what is all this coke bottle glasses stuff?)
71. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it. (Yup yup, it's big also, no arm strength required, the weight of the knife does the cutting for ya!) [sounds like Chef Tony's Miracle Blade]
72. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin. (you have to do that to get the last drop of tooth paste!) [definitely, i smash them with the side of my toothbrush]
73. You know what moon cakes are. (for the moon festival) [i like red bean and pineapple]
74. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out. (we only buy 50 rolls :( ) [Costco]
75. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles. (umm...ewww) [dad does, good during marathons, aka "Snot Rockets"]
76. You iron your own shirts. (when they need to be) [mom does it for me]
77. You play a musical instrument. (bassoon!!!!!) [guitar]
78. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (depends on what it is, and that's assumming i'm ever full...) [oh yes]
79. You've eaten a red bean popsicle. (yeah, i don't like it too much tho, i prefer green tea ice cream) [didn't know they made those, green tea ice cream is good]
80. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes. (not old enough to)
81. You fight over who pays the dinner bill. (my dad does, it's funny, he'll stealthily tell the waiter to give him the bill, and my uncle will try to counter it)
82. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law. (i hope to in medicine) [EECS, double major in electrical engineering and computer science]
83. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood. (neither of the above) [azn relatives qualify for all of the above]
84. You don't tip more than 0% at a restaurant, and if you do, you tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more. (that's just plain mean, everyone deserves a 14% tip, unless they are a real ass) [double the tax, there's a fine line between thrifty and mean]
85. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon. (sadly, yes) [uh no]
86. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table. (i eat the last everything) [you barely need to wash my bowl, don't wanna have to eat any ants]
87. You know why there are 88 reasons. (of course, ba ba) [not until i read this email]
88. You see the truth in this and then send it to all your Chinese friends. (so they can fa fa) [see below for "fa fa" explanation]
Matt Wong, AKA Jimmy Wang
Kris Hom, AKA Tom Horn
The chinese word for 8 is ba, and for prosper is fa, these are short a's so it's pronounced as if you are saying but, but were cut off at the "t" so it came out like bu- except it's ba- and fa- so they rhyme in chinese. So 88 is ba ba, which rymes with fa fa, which means to really prosper, incidentely, 168 is pronounced ee lu ba (in cantonese) which is close to ee lu fa, which means prosper for life. coinicidentelly my address is 1768, so i have an extra 7, does that curse me or help me? i dunno, mabye my chinese friends will, as my dad has no answer for me. wow that was a long post script. oh well, enjoy!!!
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